I've felt really uneasy recently....
May. 12th, 2008 06:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yellowvalleyFor the past two weeks or so, I keep having this recurring dream. It gets clearer every time, and the feeling of panic and desperation and foreboding carries over to my waking hours. I almost talked myself into a panic attack while telling my sister about it over IM. But I want to get it down, and hopefully out of my psyche, whatever it means.
Well, regardless, thought I'd get this out and down, with a hope that maybe now I won't dream it anymore. I don't want to tell my RL friends, b/c they'd just say I'm overreacting. Any thoughts? Should I go out and invest in a straightjacket?
Their is this awful storm. It's raining, and everything is flooding. There are no buildings anymore, just debris, but I know there should be something around me, even though it's just a fastly flooding muddy field. And I can hear, and sense, people dying and suffering around me, but can see or find them. And their isn't much lightening or thunder, but the sky is almost pitch black due to the clouds. I don't know how I have enough light to see, but I do. I'm panicked and distraught, but still functional, and I make my way through all of this destruction until I reach a hill.
Originally, when i first started having this dream, i was alone, but recently there's been a half dozen to a dozen of strangers with me, and sometimes, i'm following along with the rest but some people still look to me for help, and other times, i'm leading people along. And I have a purpose, I don't once think about giving up, even though I don't know what to do.
We are making our way up this muddy, slippery hill, and when we get to the top, there's this tree there. It's old, craggy, with no leaves even though I know there should be. As we get closer, I can see this snow white wolf, not muddy or wet at all, despite the storm, sitting there as calmly as you please, looking out over the destruction. It doesn't know, or maybe doesn't care we are there. I feel, somehow, that it's responsible for the destruction, but isn't, I don't know, taking pleasure in it. And no one else in my group notices it. We cross the top of the hill, knowing that we still have far to go to get to safety, if there is any left. I have a feeling in the dream that there is nowhere safe left. It's all being flooded, but there's nothing left to do but to go forward. So we all begin to cross underneath the tree, slightly below the wolf, and neither my group or the wolf take any notice of each other. But I can't take my eyes off of it. I want to call to it, to attract it's attention. I almost feel like if I could get it to focus on me, instead of out there in the world, the destruction would stop.
And here is the weird part. I'm indecisive. Part of me knows instinctively that if I just ask it to stop, or maybe even just get it to look at me, the storm would stop, and it'd just walk away. The other part of me, knows that it will attack me if I attract it's attention, and part of me wonders if that would stop it from destroying everything even though I'd die, like a sacrifice, or if it'd just kill me, then resume it's destruction.
The dilemma is, should I get it's attention or not? Maybe if I ask, it'll stop, but maybe it'll kill me, too, and then the little hope I had of helping get the people with me to safety would be gone, and I instinctively know they will die without me. And I'd gladly give myself up for the world, I know that even in my dream, but there is still hesitation there.
I never get the chance to make up my mind, I've just passed under the wolf and looked back at it, studying it, trying to gain some clues as to how it would react if I called to it, but I always wake up before I make a decision.
And it's driving me CRAZY. I don't know what it means, or why I carry these feelings over into my day, but it's starting to scare me. It gets more and more vivid, and I don't have any big decisions coming up that I can think of for this to be an easily interpreted dream.
Originally, when i first started having this dream, i was alone, but recently there's been a half dozen to a dozen of strangers with me, and sometimes, i'm following along with the rest but some people still look to me for help, and other times, i'm leading people along. And I have a purpose, I don't once think about giving up, even though I don't know what to do.
We are making our way up this muddy, slippery hill, and when we get to the top, there's this tree there. It's old, craggy, with no leaves even though I know there should be. As we get closer, I can see this snow white wolf, not muddy or wet at all, despite the storm, sitting there as calmly as you please, looking out over the destruction. It doesn't know, or maybe doesn't care we are there. I feel, somehow, that it's responsible for the destruction, but isn't, I don't know, taking pleasure in it. And no one else in my group notices it. We cross the top of the hill, knowing that we still have far to go to get to safety, if there is any left. I have a feeling in the dream that there is nowhere safe left. It's all being flooded, but there's nothing left to do but to go forward. So we all begin to cross underneath the tree, slightly below the wolf, and neither my group or the wolf take any notice of each other. But I can't take my eyes off of it. I want to call to it, to attract it's attention. I almost feel like if I could get it to focus on me, instead of out there in the world, the destruction would stop.
And here is the weird part. I'm indecisive. Part of me knows instinctively that if I just ask it to stop, or maybe even just get it to look at me, the storm would stop, and it'd just walk away. The other part of me, knows that it will attack me if I attract it's attention, and part of me wonders if that would stop it from destroying everything even though I'd die, like a sacrifice, or if it'd just kill me, then resume it's destruction.
The dilemma is, should I get it's attention or not? Maybe if I ask, it'll stop, but maybe it'll kill me, too, and then the little hope I had of helping get the people with me to safety would be gone, and I instinctively know they will die without me. And I'd gladly give myself up for the world, I know that even in my dream, but there is still hesitation there.
I never get the chance to make up my mind, I've just passed under the wolf and looked back at it, studying it, trying to gain some clues as to how it would react if I called to it, but I always wake up before I make a decision.
And it's driving me CRAZY. I don't know what it means, or why I carry these feelings over into my day, but it's starting to scare me. It gets more and more vivid, and I don't have any big decisions coming up that I can think of for this to be an easily interpreted dream.
Well, regardless, thought I'd get this out and down, with a hope that maybe now I won't dream it anymore. I don't want to tell my RL friends, b/c they'd just say I'm overreacting. Any thoughts? Should I go out and invest in a straightjacket?
